I was asked to join this amazing site, LDRblogs.com and blog about my experiences in my own LDR (long distance relationship) since I've been in one for almost three years. So, I'll blog for them a few times a month and hopefully some of you enjoy these posts. I don't talk about our relationship much because of all the stuff that has happened but now that we're closing the gap and things are about to get a lot more interesting, I decided I'll blog about us now.
So, to start this off, I thought I would start with things I would have done differently in our relationship, especially the first year.
The first year was full of ups and downs. The first few months we got to know each other really well, we had several 'firsts' happen, I was completely head over heels for him and fell fast. I couldn't talk to him enough. Then several things started happening like his ex would call or text and threaten to expose us, his mom would see me post on his Instagram and ask who I was, his friends wanted to know who the girl on his phone was. None of this was a problem to me. Everyone knew about him and I assumed people there would know about me. Problem was, most of those he knew wouldn't accept our relationship because of our religious differences. His mom found out we were close and she demanded us to break up (refresher, his ex is the one who told his mom - because that's what bitter exes do) and most of his friends were immediately disapproving of me and the relationship. It wasn't easy, and I did touch on this in an earlier post, but looking back knowing what I know now I would have done a lot differently.
I would have said something to his ex. He wouldn't give me her number but I found it online easily. He kept saying I would make things worse if I contacted her but now I wish I would have. She got to hurt me and our relationship so much and I never got to do anything about it. I got to listen to her next scheme and get the ripple effect of it. She got to do so much and I never got to say a word. That still makes me very angry because I know exactly what she said and what she did. She is truly a horrible, vile person and I have many unkind words for her. I wish I would have contacted her very early on and put her in her place.
I would have asked what friend he was out with. Many times when he was out with a friend I assumed it was a buddy. But many times, it ended up being another girl. Were they just friends? Sure. But did finding out the next day my boyfriend spent all night at a bar buying drinks for another girl and just telling me he was out with a friend make me feel he was cheating on me and hiding things? Yes.
I wish I would have spoken up there more.
I would have commented on his Instagram and Facebook. I didn't for so long so his friends wouldn't see and either A) tell his mom or B) confront him even more about us. Now I would say screw that. He's my boyfriend and I should be allowed to comment on a picture if I want to.
I felt a little controlled for a while when it came to us going public. He had all these 'rules' so we would stay hidden and looking back, I wish I would have fought that. I'm not sure if we would still be together now if I had, but I wish I hadn't given in so easily. Even when we could finally go public it was like pulling teeth to make that happen and for him to finally announce us dating. Another thing I wish I would have let myself get more upset over. Being a secret couple was fun for a while but then it was almost degrading.
Who knows where we would be now if I had been stronger in the early stages of our relationship. We may not be together or maybe we would have closed the gap a long time ago. I try not to dwell on the bad things that have happened and keep my eyes on the road ahead but sometimes things come up and I can't help but wonder what would be different now.
Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Pre-LDR