Justin's Packing Tips

Welcome to another guest post by Justin! This time he's going to be talking about his packing experiences when he came to visit me before he moved here. I never visited him because I was so incredibly unwelcomed by just about everyone there, so I have no tips when it comes to packing for an LDR visit. This is his territory today.

 

When I first came to visit Brittany, I had never been on an airplane. I was terrified and had no idea how to pack. Some friends gave me good advice about how to travel so I did as they suggested and it was so much easier than what I had originally thought.

Tip 1: Make sure you have a duffel bag/suitcase that meets flight standards, especially if it's a carry-on. I only travel with 2 bags. One backpack that I can stow under the seat so I have easy access to it for medications, books, tablet, valuables, or whatever. The second is just for my clothes. Something I can just shove and smash into the overhead compartment to take up as little room as possible (or if you're checking it, you won't mind it getting beat up). The airline will usually have the dimensions posted somewhere online and when you get to where you check in, they have a nifty thing that you can set your bag in to see if it will fit in the overhead compartments or under your seat. If it's too big you'll have to check it, which I personally like just so I'm not lugging around a heavy bag of clothes between connecting flights.

Tip 2: Make a list of things you ABSOLUTELY need. Like medications, wallet, hygiene stuff, ect. Lists help a lot when packing. Lists are good. Lists are your friends.

Tip 3: Actually start packing. I highly suggest looking up a tutorial on how to pack in the most efficient way. You want to maximize your space. You'd be amazed at how much you can fit into a small duffel bag. Also be sure to not OVER-pack. You don't need to bring 8 outfits for a 3 day trip.

Tip 4: Bring something to keep you occupied on the plane. A book, crossword puzzle, video games, whatever. Flights can be boring. And if you're like me and don't want to talk to anyone sitting next to you, always have music to listen to. The chatty types usually won't bother you if you've got them on.

Tip 5: MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TICKET IS AT ALL TIMES.

These steps won't be for everyone, but they can definitely help you. Packing light and efficiently makes traveling so much easier. Be nice to all staff and smile (even if you have to fake it like me) and it'll be a breeze. And if they offer to move you up to first class, DO IT. IT'S AMAZING.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Packing

5 Things It's Okay To Be Angry About In An LDR

LDRs are not easy or the first choice for most couples. They're usually avoided at all costs if possible if you've started out in person. But it's a little different for those of us that started out long distance and then met in person later, like me and Justin. If you met online and then later tell people about your relationship, you're going to deal with some not-so-great things. There are plenty, but here are 5 that seem to be the most common - along with a couple of tips on how to deal with them.


Parents - Luckily for me, my happiness came first when I told my parents about Justin. He made me happy, so they were happy. They, of course, stalked him online a little to make sure no one was getting Catfished, but after that they were all in.
Unfortunately, that didn't happen on the other end. As many of you know, Justin's family is really religious. So, when they found out about me and that I wasn't the same religion I was automatically hated and he was forbidden to ever talk to me again. Two years of secret dating later and I still don't think they've ever been happy about us dating, which is really a bummer but nothing I can change. I just had to hold on to the fact that we were happy and that's all that mattered.

Some parents are never going to like or accept who you date - and if you meet them online, you run the risk of them being suspicious and not on-board for a long time. They want what's best for you (usually) and sometimes they'll fight for you to date someone in the same area instead of someone hours away by plane or car. You have to understand where they're coming from but you also have to follow your own heart. Take what they say with a grain of salt but also take into consideration what they're saying. You may be upset about why they think this person/relationship is a bad idea but sometimes they have really good points and if you listen, you may make better decisions when it comes to continuing your relationship. But it is okay to be upset that your parents don't like who you're dating. You're not going to agree on everything and, if no one is getting hurt, your life is your life.


Friends - Like parents, having friends on your side in an LDR is key. Friends are a great support system and when you have your friends happy that you're happy it makes things a little easier. You can vent and get advice from them when things are tough (which they tend to be more in an LDR because of the distance). But sometimes friends don't exactly act like, well, friends. We had a large issue here (because of religion again) and the majority of some friends never 'approved' of mine and Justin's relationship. A couple did but as things progressed and more members of the church found out about us, those friends were then against us as well. It was really hard to not have Justin be able to text me back in front of friends because they would talk about how disappointed they were or that he was making a mistake. Or that when he was out with friends and brought me up it usually didn't end so well. We would go hours and hours without speaking when he was around friends because he didn't want to get a lecture about us again. It sucked. A lot. Friends should be happy if you're happy, but that's not always the case when your friends don't turn out to be who you thought they were. Honestly there are very few people in California I want to meet when we go visit because I don't feel welcomed. And these people know nothing about me personally, it's all strictly judgments they made themselves which makes me angry.
It's okay to be pissed off at your friends or your SO's friends. It's okay to tell them to mind their own damn business. If you lose friends because of a relationship, were they really your friend to begin with? If someone ditches you after years and years of friendship because you're dating someone they don't approve of (yet there's nothing insanely wrong with your SO) then maybe it's better they left. When things get tough you find out who your true friends are. LDRs are tough and sometimes the ripple effect is losing "friends."

Trust - Personally, I still struggle with this issue. Trust is hard. Trust in an LDR is even harder. You have to trust who you're with, but it's okay to struggle with it. Other girls were involved somewhat in mine and Justin's relationship that really made me question if I could trust him. He would be out one on one with a friend and the next day I would find out it was a girl. They really were probably just friends, but it's never cool to find out your boyfriend spent a night out with another girl and never told you. I still struggle with that kind of trust when he's at work now, but I just have to take a breath and remember that he moved 3,000 miles from home to be with me. That he loves me. It's hard, and that's okay, It's okay to be angry with your SO about issues and at yourself from having a hard time trusting them.

Time - When work, school, friends, family, sports, etc., are taken into consideration in an LDR you run into the issue of time. Sometimes no one can text back for hours or they can't return a phone call. Sometimes your Skype date has to be postponed because friends stopped by unexpectedly. Sometimes a date important to the two of you is forgotten because of family problems. It's frustrating when your form of communication (text, call, Skype) is taken away for longer than you want because you can't just walk or drive to their house and hang out or meet up at dinner after soccer practice. You have to wait. And sometimes wait very impatiently and for a long time. Sometimes we would go hours without texting, I would get a two word reply and then it would be hours before another reply. That's really frustrating when all you want is to talk to and be with someone. It takes its toll and these kinds of issues are one of the top reasons LDRs don't work for a lot of people. And if you have a time zone difference it makes it even harder. Justin was two hours behind me which wasn't so bad, but for those of you in the States with SOs in the UK...I can't even imagine the planning that has to go into phone and Skype dates to keep the connection strong. Being pissed off with these issues is very understandable. You just have to take a deep breath and try to work out a phone/Skype schedule that works for the two of you.

Communication - This kind of goes with the trust area. You have to communicate in an LDR hardcore. You're not there in person to smile, shrug, hug, explain things, etc. You mostly are explaining things via text and we all know how a text can be taken the wrong way. A little more effort here is key. Don't say you're hanging with a friend. Mention what friend. Maybe mention what you're doing. This isn't a controlling/stalker thing, this is just information you would probably know or give in person. "I'm hanging out at Cathy's house after our Spanish midterm" would probably be said in person. Over text it could be easier to quickly write, "I'm hanging with a friend for a bit" because chances are your SO doesn't know who Cathy is. If he's 500 miles away, he wouldn't have met this Cathy so it may seem a little weird to mention her by name. Do it anyway. Knowing your SO's friends' names is really nice. I liked when Justin could mention someone's name and I could remember other stuff I've heard about them. It makes you feel a little more connected. You would, in person, be hanging out with these people so I think it's important to kind of include your SO in that part of your life a little bit.
On the flip side, we all know boys can be...not so great at emotions. Sometimes when they text it can seem short and cold and you'll wonder if they're mad at you. Turns out they're not and they don't understand why you're decoding that message with your Captain Crunch decoder ring. Talking and communicating take a little more effort in an LDR but can be super worth it.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Self Strength

Happiness from 3,000 Miles Away

Ideally, making someone happy from 3,000 miles away shouldn't be the easiest thing. But in my LDR I found myself the happiest I had been with a guy. I had been in very not-so-great relationships before I met Justin. But from the start, we just clicked. He told me things I needed to hear even when I didn't realize it. He supported me. He was nice. It was all new to me, being with someone nice and that gave a damn. The longer we went being far apart the harder some things got but it also made us stronger. We had to connect on a level where the physical side had to wait. Looking back, I'm really glad we had to. We learned so much about each other and talked and connected on levels that, when visits finally happened, just made the physical side effortless. We knew each other really well before meeting in person and nothing was awkward at all when we were finally together. Communication is, of course, important, but there were a lot of things he did that made (and still make) me happy, even when he was 3,000 miles away instead of, currently, in my kitchen.

He complimented me and not just on the way I looked. He complimented the way I thought, the way I did things, my sense of humor, how I would pull the car over to rescue a turtle, how I would get the neighbor's goat's head unstuck from the adjoining fence. Little things I never thought about and just did were suddenly brought to my attention in a good way. Things that I thought were normal or that most people would do, he would tell me I'm the only person he knows that would do them (which is kind of a bummer when it comes to rescuing the turtles) or that I was literally the kindest person he knew (also a bummer - why aren't people nicer?).

He sent surprises. Everyone likes presents, but when you're having a really, really shitty week and the doorbell rings and it's a dozen roses from your boyfriend 3,000 miles away who sent them just to cheer you up, well, you know you've met someone amazing. He never had to send anything. I never asked. I never expected anything, really. In his life, he doesn't celebrate much, so when he would send flowers or other things with no occasion it meant so much to me.

The distance didn't mean no happiness. It just meant a more creative happiness. Movie dates over the phone, dinner over Skype, sending pictures of things we came across during our day. There were tons of little things we did to stay connected. Being long distance is not a death sentence. It's just a way to think outside the box when it comes to your relationship. And I think we did pretty good considering how things have worked out. Did I mention he's in my kitchen right now? <3


Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Happiness

LDR - 3 Things I Would Have Done Differently.

I was asked to join this amazing site, LDRblogs.com and blog about my experiences in my own LDR (long distance relationship) since I've been in one for almost three years. So, I'll blog for them a few times a month and hopefully some of you enjoy these posts. I don't talk about our relationship much because of all the stuff that has happened but now that we're closing the gap and things are about to get a lot more interesting, I decided I'll blog about us now.
So, to start this off, I thought I would start with things I would have done differently in our relationship, especially the first year.

The first year was full of ups and downs. The first few months we got to know each other really well, we had several 'firsts' happen, I was completely head over heels for him and fell fast. I couldn't talk to him enough. Then several things started happening like his ex would call or text and threaten to expose us, his mom would see me post on his Instagram and ask who I was, his friends wanted to know who the girl on his phone was. None of this was a problem to me. Everyone knew about him and I assumed people there would know about me. Problem was, most of those he knew wouldn't accept our relationship because of our religious differences. His mom found out we were close and she demanded us to break up (refresher, his ex is the one who told his mom - because that's what bitter exes do) and most of his friends were immediately disapproving of me and the relationship. It wasn't easy, and I did touch on this in an earlier post, but looking back knowing what I know now I would have done a lot differently.

I would have said something to his ex. He wouldn't give me her number but I found it online easily. He kept saying I would make things worse if I contacted her but now I wish I would have. She got to hurt me and our relationship so much and I never got to do anything about it. I got to listen to her next scheme and get the ripple effect of it. She got to do so much and I never got to say a word. That still makes me very angry because I know exactly what she said and what she did. She is truly a horrible, vile person and I have many unkind words for her. I wish I would have contacted her very early on and put her in her place.

I would have asked what friend he was out with. Many times when he was out with a friend I assumed it was a buddy. But many times, it ended up being another girl. Were they just friends? Sure. But did finding out the next day my boyfriend spent all night at a bar buying drinks for another girl and just telling me he was out with a friend make me feel he was cheating on me and hiding things? Yes.
I wish I would have spoken up there more.

 I would have commented on his Instagram and Facebook. I didn't for so long so his friends wouldn't see and either A) tell his mom or B) confront him even more about us. Now I would say screw that. He's my boyfriend and I should be allowed to comment on a picture if I want to.
 I felt a little controlled for a while when it came to us going public. He had all these 'rules' so we would stay hidden and looking back, I wish I would have fought that. I'm not sure if we would still be together now if I had, but I wish I hadn't given in so easily. Even when we could finally go public it was like pulling teeth to make that happen and for him to finally announce us dating. Another thing I wish I would have let myself get more upset over. Being a secret couple was fun for a while but then it was almost degrading.

Who knows where we would be now if I had been stronger in the early stages of our relationship. We may not be together or maybe we would have closed the gap a long time ago. I try not to dwell on the bad things that have happened and keep my eyes on the road ahead but sometimes things come up and I can't help but wonder what would be different now.


Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Pre-LDR