Ideally, making someone happy from 3,000 miles away shouldn't be the easiest thing. But in my LDR I found myself the happiest I had been with a guy. I had been in very not-so-great relationships before I met Justin. But from the start, we just clicked. He told me things I needed to hear even when I didn't realize it. He supported me. He was nice. It was all new to me, being with someone nice and that gave a damn. The longer we went being far apart the harder some things got but it also made us stronger. We had to connect on a level where the physical side had to wait. Looking back, I'm really glad we had to. We learned so much about each other and talked and connected on levels that, when visits finally happened, just made the physical side effortless. We knew each other really well before meeting in person and nothing was awkward at all when we were finally together. Communication is, of course, important, but there were a lot of things he did that made (and still make) me happy, even when he was 3,000 miles away instead of, currently, in my kitchen.
He complimented me and not just on the way I looked. He complimented the way I thought, the way I did things, my sense of humor, how I would pull the car over to rescue a turtle, how I would get the neighbor's goat's head unstuck from the adjoining fence. Little things I never thought about and just did were suddenly brought to my attention in a good way. Things that I thought were normal or that most people would do, he would tell me I'm the only person he knows that would do them (which is kind of a bummer when it comes to rescuing the turtles) or that I was literally the kindest person he knew (also a bummer - why aren't people nicer?).
He sent surprises. Everyone likes presents, but when you're having a really, really shitty week and the doorbell rings and it's a dozen roses from your boyfriend 3,000 miles away who sent them just to cheer you up, well, you know you've met someone amazing. He never had to send anything. I never asked. I never expected anything, really. In his life, he doesn't celebrate much, so when he would send flowers or other things with no occasion it meant so much to me.
The distance didn't mean no happiness. It just meant a more creative happiness. Movie dates over the phone, dinner over Skype, sending pictures of things we came across during our day. There were tons of little things we did to stay connected. Being long distance is not a death sentence. It's just a way to think outside the box when it comes to your relationship. And I think we did pretty good considering how things have worked out. Did I mention he's in my kitchen right now? <3
Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Happiness
Showing posts with label long distance relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label long distance relationship. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
LDR - 3 Things I Would Have Done Differently.
I was asked to join this amazing site, LDRblogs.com and blog about my experiences in my own LDR (long distance relationship) since I've been in one for almost three years. So, I'll blog for them a few times a month and hopefully some of you enjoy these posts. I don't talk about our relationship much because of all the stuff that has happened but now that we're closing the gap and things are about to get a lot more interesting, I decided I'll blog about us now.
So, to start this off, I thought I would start with things I would have done differently in our relationship, especially the first year.
The first year was full of ups and downs. The first few months we got to know each other really well, we had several 'firsts' happen, I was completely head over heels for him and fell fast. I couldn't talk to him enough. Then several things started happening like his ex would call or text and threaten to expose us, his mom would see me post on his Instagram and ask who I was, his friends wanted to know who the girl on his phone was. None of this was a problem to me. Everyone knew about him and I assumed people there would know about me. Problem was, most of those he knew wouldn't accept our relationship because of our religious differences. His mom found out we were close and she demanded us to break up (refresher, his ex is the one who told his mom - because that's what bitter exes do) and most of his friends were immediately disapproving of me and the relationship. It wasn't easy, and I did touch on this in an earlier post, but looking back knowing what I know now I would have done a lot differently.
I would have said something to his ex. He wouldn't give me her number but I found it online easily. He kept saying I would make things worse if I contacted her but now I wish I would have. She got to hurt me and our relationship so much and I never got to do anything about it. I got to listen to her next scheme and get the ripple effect of it. She got to do so much and I never got to say a word. That still makes me very angry because I know exactly what she said and what she did. She is truly a horrible, vile person and I have many unkind words for her. I wish I would have contacted her very early on and put her in her place.
I would have asked what friend he was out with. Many times when he was out with a friend I assumed it was a buddy. But many times, it ended up being another girl. Were they just friends? Sure. But did finding out the next day my boyfriend spent all night at a bar buying drinks for another girl and just telling me he was out with a friend make me feel he was cheating on me and hiding things? Yes.
I wish I would have spoken up there more.
I would have commented on his Instagram and Facebook. I didn't for so long so his friends wouldn't see and either A) tell his mom or B) confront him even more about us. Now I would say screw that. He's my boyfriend and I should be allowed to comment on a picture if I want to.
I felt a little controlled for a while when it came to us going public. He had all these 'rules' so we would stay hidden and looking back, I wish I would have fought that. I'm not sure if we would still be together now if I had, but I wish I hadn't given in so easily. Even when we could finally go public it was like pulling teeth to make that happen and for him to finally announce us dating. Another thing I wish I would have let myself get more upset over. Being a secret couple was fun for a while but then it was almost degrading.
Who knows where we would be now if I had been stronger in the early stages of our relationship. We may not be together or maybe we would have closed the gap a long time ago. I try not to dwell on the bad things that have happened and keep my eyes on the road ahead but sometimes things come up and I can't help but wonder what would be different now.
Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Pre-LDR
So, to start this off, I thought I would start with things I would have done differently in our relationship, especially the first year.
The first year was full of ups and downs. The first few months we got to know each other really well, we had several 'firsts' happen, I was completely head over heels for him and fell fast. I couldn't talk to him enough. Then several things started happening like his ex would call or text and threaten to expose us, his mom would see me post on his Instagram and ask who I was, his friends wanted to know who the girl on his phone was. None of this was a problem to me. Everyone knew about him and I assumed people there would know about me. Problem was, most of those he knew wouldn't accept our relationship because of our religious differences. His mom found out we were close and she demanded us to break up (refresher, his ex is the one who told his mom - because that's what bitter exes do) and most of his friends were immediately disapproving of me and the relationship. It wasn't easy, and I did touch on this in an earlier post, but looking back knowing what I know now I would have done a lot differently.
I would have said something to his ex. He wouldn't give me her number but I found it online easily. He kept saying I would make things worse if I contacted her but now I wish I would have. She got to hurt me and our relationship so much and I never got to do anything about it. I got to listen to her next scheme and get the ripple effect of it. She got to do so much and I never got to say a word. That still makes me very angry because I know exactly what she said and what she did. She is truly a horrible, vile person and I have many unkind words for her. I wish I would have contacted her very early on and put her in her place.
I would have asked what friend he was out with. Many times when he was out with a friend I assumed it was a buddy. But many times, it ended up being another girl. Were they just friends? Sure. But did finding out the next day my boyfriend spent all night at a bar buying drinks for another girl and just telling me he was out with a friend make me feel he was cheating on me and hiding things? Yes.
I wish I would have spoken up there more.
I would have commented on his Instagram and Facebook. I didn't for so long so his friends wouldn't see and either A) tell his mom or B) confront him even more about us. Now I would say screw that. He's my boyfriend and I should be allowed to comment on a picture if I want to.
I felt a little controlled for a while when it came to us going public. He had all these 'rules' so we would stay hidden and looking back, I wish I would have fought that. I'm not sure if we would still be together now if I had, but I wish I hadn't given in so easily. Even when we could finally go public it was like pulling teeth to make that happen and for him to finally announce us dating. Another thing I wish I would have let myself get more upset over. Being a secret couple was fun for a while but then it was almost degrading.
Who knows where we would be now if I had been stronger in the early stages of our relationship. We may not be together or maybe we would have closed the gap a long time ago. I try not to dwell on the bad things that have happened and keep my eyes on the road ahead but sometimes things come up and I can't help but wonder what would be different now.
Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Pre-LDR
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Closing the Long Distance Romance Gap
As some of you know, my boyfriend Justin of 2.5 years finally flew in last Saturday. Up until then it was strictly long distance, him in California and me here in Alabama. I picked him up along with my parents, my niece and Charlie the Chihuahua. He stayed for almost a week and things were pretty amazing.
Zoe (my niece) LOVED him. And Charlie, who usually hates men and growls/barks at them for a long time was immediately in Justin's lap. He slept in his lap a lot that night and didn't mind being close to him at all. Kids and animals have great radars, so for both to be so taken with him so quickly was lovely. I wasn't even invited to play with Zoe and Justin. She wanted him all to herself. I didn't even get a, 'good morning, Aunt B' I got a, 'Where's Justin?" And when she went home on Sunday and he wasn't awake to say goodbye, she almost cried and made him a goodbye card, sucker included. So. Sweet.
He stayed at my house through Tuesday and then moved to a hotel. I have an irrational hotel phobia so I didn't stay there much. We hung out at my house or around town mostly. I showed him the 'high points' which aren't super interesting. But he's a big craft beer guy, so we did head downtown to the Straight to Ale brewery. The guys there were really nice and I recommend a visit if you're around downtown Huntsville. We also hit up the flag line at the Wounded Warrior greeting. My parents are part of the motorcycle escort every year, so we went in support.
It was all just nice, sharing day to day things and talking and being close.
I was way more comfortable with him than I imagined. Even my parents were floored with how comfortable and relaxed we were together. My parents loved him, by the way. Everyone got along, everyone enjoyed each other's company. It couldn't have gone better except either he brought plane germs or we all shared Zoe's virus because everyone had a mild cold/flu for most of the week. But that aside - perfection.
Zoe (my niece) LOVED him. And Charlie, who usually hates men and growls/barks at them for a long time was immediately in Justin's lap. He slept in his lap a lot that night and didn't mind being close to him at all. Kids and animals have great radars, so for both to be so taken with him so quickly was lovely. I wasn't even invited to play with Zoe and Justin. She wanted him all to herself. I didn't even get a, 'good morning, Aunt B' I got a, 'Where's Justin?" And when she went home on Sunday and he wasn't awake to say goodbye, she almost cried and made him a goodbye card, sucker included. So. Sweet.
He stayed at my house through Tuesday and then moved to a hotel. I have an irrational hotel phobia so I didn't stay there much. We hung out at my house or around town mostly. I showed him the 'high points' which aren't super interesting. But he's a big craft beer guy, so we did head downtown to the Straight to Ale brewery. The guys there were really nice and I recommend a visit if you're around downtown Huntsville. We also hit up the flag line at the Wounded Warrior greeting. My parents are part of the motorcycle escort every year, so we went in support.
It was all just nice, sharing day to day things and talking and being close.
I was way more comfortable with him than I imagined. Even my parents were floored with how comfortable and relaxed we were together. My parents loved him, by the way. Everyone got along, everyone enjoyed each other's company. It couldn't have gone better except either he brought plane germs or we all shared Zoe's virus because everyone had a mild cold/flu for most of the week. But that aside - perfection.
I mean. <3 <3 <3
I got up Monday to him helping my mom put up Halloween decorations. He volunteered. Major parent brownie points.
Graffiti at a cotton gin.
Around town exploring.
Can't get back to him fast enough.
<3
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